Closure to a Horrific Incident

Back in July my dear husband was one of the first few officers inside Theatre 9 after the dreadful shooting during the Batman premiere.  He rescued many people and had others die in his arms.  He and his fellow officers witnessed something that most people will never see.

I wrote about this a week after it happened here.

As the months have passed, I have been pretty impressed with the State of Colorado.  They truly have supported the victims and their families in some pretty amazing ways.  Nothing will ever erase what happened but I think they have felt supported.

Batman himself... I mean, Christian Bale, came out to show his support.  Many heard of him coming out to visit the victims at the hospital.  He did this quietly and people only found out he came after the fact (or maybe during) but it was not a highly publicized event that he initiated.  What many don't know is he came to thank Aurora PD as well.  Caleb got to meet him that day and let's just say he became a true super hero to a lot of people that day.

Then last week, the first responders were honored for a job well done with a ceremony that brought closure for them.  After all of the pain, sleepless nights and nightmares (when they do sleep), they were honored for all they did.   Caleb was honored with 2 medals, and he now holds 3 of the highest awards in the department.   As a wife you see the behind the scenes, you see the true feelings behind the brave face, you see the aftermath.  It's nice to know that people recognize this and all they did.

forgive the picture quality here

His job is hard.  At times it's really hard on him, and hard on the family, but it's times like these when you realize it's all worth it.  He is making a difference in way most people would never be able to.  I will persevere through the hard times because God has called our family into this life.

Just a Few Changes

This picture was taken oh about 8 years ago and it pretty much sums me up.
I'd just take off without a plan.
Find a random place that looked cool to hike and off I'd go.
No plan, no concept of time, no idea if I'd live, and yet somehow I survived this part of my life.

Then this happened....

My whole world changed.
I changed.
Gone are my "fly by the seat of my pants" days.
Funny.... I don't miss them.
I wouldn't trade where I am now for the world.

But it's times like this where I realize how much I have changed.
Here is the story....

Today was my last day working full time at Lifetime.
I am starting a new job at a local rec center as the Aquatics Coordinator.
I am so excited yet so nervous at the same time.
So I'm trying to come up with a plan to make the transition easy on the family.
Hubby had his dreaded bid day on Wednesday.
Let's just say it didn't go so hot and his days off and shift completely changed.
So now I'm trying to plan for that change in January.
And to top it all off, the holidays are around the corner and I'm trying to plan for those.

Notice a common theme here... PLAN.
WHERE THE HECK DID THIS COME FROM?
My life feels like it has been turned upside down and I'm a hot mess trying to restore some sort of order to my life.

8 years ago I would have rolled with the punches, not cared at all, and even thought of it as some grand adventure.
Right now, unplanned adventures aren't quite as fun as they used to be.
I have a husband who needs me and a 2 year old who relies on me to plan out her day for her!
Yep, life is slightly different.

So prayers would be greatly appreciated as we transition here.
And pray for my crazy full time working, cop wife, mother of a toddler self.
I really could use all the help I could get right now!
My daily chants of "God is in control" went from being silent reminders in my head to daily chants (loudly chanting, I might add) to keep me from losing my mind.

The Dreaded Day

Every year, us police families go through a major upheaval.
Ok maybe it's not like that in every department but here at Aurora PD we experience a yearly life change.
And well, today is that day.
The ever dreaded day........

BID DAY

Our guys go in (or wives) and have to bid for their shift.  Guys/Gals pick their shift in order of seniority. The old guys kick off the day with their posh pick of M-Thurs day shift, and by the end of the day all that is left is graves shift with Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday off.  To organize this process a beautiful white board with every shift listed by days off, time, district and Sgt. is listed so the guys know what is left when it is their turn to bid.

So here I am anxiously awaiting the hubby's courtesy call to find out which shift he's going to take it.
Side note:  any good police husband calls to check with his wife before officially taking a shift.
And wives learn to wait for that call to make sure they bid what the family needs.

He'll pick his shift and then begins the switching around of my work, appointments and child care.  Which is one of many reasons why Police Wives rock.


Wish us luck!!!  Let's hope it's a minimal upheaval this year.

One Week Ago

One week ago tomorrow morning will mark the anniversary of what was such a terrible tragedy.

One week tonight, I went to bed and was wide awake worried about something

(This is not unusual for a cops' wife, though)

One week ago tonight, I prayed for something I did not know had yet happened.

One week ago, my husband informed me he wouldn't be home because there was a terrible shooting.

He said he was okay, but others were not.

One week ago tonight, I did not sleep very much the rest of the night.

One week ago, my husband was one of the first few officers in Theater 9.

One week ago tonight, he saw what will forever change his life.

One week ago, he was a real life hero and carried bleeding and dying people to safety.

One week ago, he watched as his fellow officer held the lifeless body of the little 6 year old.

One week ago, he watched as people's lives and families were ripped apart as people found out about their loved ones.

And then we all woke up to hear about what a evil man had done.

What he done to not only adults, but innocent children.

My brother and I sat on the phone the other day trying to wrap our heads around what could possess someone to do such things.  

We couldn't answer, and I don't know if we ever will.

All we could come up with is Evil.  This man, who's name doesn't deserve to be spoken, is evil.

I'm proud of my husband.

I'm proud of his fellow cops.

I'm proud of my fellow cop wives who have all banned together to help out our guys.

I'm proud.

But then it all hits me and I realize how many people have been affected by the actions of one man.

How because of him Mama's will never hug their children again.

Daddy's will never dance with their daughters.

Children will not have a parent at their weddings or graduation.

It doesn't seem fair.

But I am reminded that God is just.

He will handle all of this.

And I believe that good will triumph over the evil that has been done.

My prayer is our hearts will not be hardened to this.

My prayer is our hearts will remain soft even when it hurts.

Here is a picture someone took at the theater.

People say the cloud above it (not the whole cloud, but the white part in the center) looks like an angel over the theater.

Now if it is or if it isn't I won't know, but I know God has his angels around each person impacted by this.  Because in the end, He is Good.  

It's Time to Come Together

What was supposed to be a fun and exciting movie turned into one of the worst experiences ever seen.

Numerous people lost their lives.

Even more were injured.

Families were torn apart- lives were forever changed.

My heart is heavy for those families.

Our prayers go out to everyone involved.

My husband is home and finally sleeping, for that I'm grateful.

However, what he saw can never be erased.

The people he and his fellow officers carried out of that theater will always be apart of him.

He worked along side some amazing and heroic officers, who put aside concern for themselves and were the face of hope for many scared people.

Please pray for everyone, victims, cops, firemen, nurses, doctors, anyone that was directly involved as they process everything that happened.

Pray for healing and peace.

I asked Caleb when he got home if he'd ever set foot in another movie theater.

He said eventually he would, but he won't see the new Batman in theaters. 

 He'll wait to watch it on DVD.  

Fair enough... I'll be waiting with him.

And the Medal of Honor Goes to.......

Last week the hubs was awarded the Medal of Honor.

I was so proud.  

I have always known he is a great cop, but it was so nice to see him recognized by his department.

However, I could have lived WITHOUT the situation that got him this award.

I've previously blogged about how I try to not think about his job.

In my head, he is walking old ladies across the street, and helping kids find their lost dogs.

It keeps me sane to think that way.

But then this crazy night happened.... 

and my husband had to be the hero and pop my perfect little bubble I lived in.

Long story short, a guy was holding a girl hostage and threatening to kill himself and her.

Caleb and his team went in, barricaded the car.

My dear husband VOLUNTEERED to break the car window where they were.

When he did, he had a gun pointed at him and another officer.

The bad guy shot, and ended up shooting the cop behind Caleb in the hand.

Yes my freaking husband almost got shot.

Then bad guy learned his lesson in a very tragic way.

All the officers were fine, until Caleb got home and then I almost seriously injured him.

I cried and scolded him and told him he couldn't do that again.

And then the police department TOTALLY didn't back me up and gave him a Medal of Honor instead.

Luckily, this incident was last year, so I had plenty of time to get over my anger before his awards ceremony.

And well, now I'm proud.  

My husband and his team put their lives on the line for someone they have never met.

I couldn't do that.

I'm in awe of my husband and I'm in awe of all the other officers who do this daily.

You are truly amazing and deserve so much more appreciation then you are given.

Here are a few more pictures from the night....

The Cop Life... part 2

Awhile back I wrote this post on what it's like to be married to a cop.

Well it's all still true, but now I feel like I should update this, with what it's like to co parent with a cop while being married to him.

Ok, that changes things... just a little.

Husband is still wonderful at leaving work at work, and overall he's a wonderful hubs and father.

I really couldn't be more blessed.

But.... (you knew there was a but didn't you)

when you make the decision to both work full time, and to not put a kiddo in day care.

Well then life gets a little tricky.

And then our relationship gets a little tricky, and then parenting gets a little tricky.

Currently, we are single parents half of the day 4 days a week. 

4 days a week, our life looks like this.

I wake up early, and head to work.  Get home with 15-30 min before hubs heads out the door to start his shift at work.  He gets home, we sleep in the same bed for 3 hours and then I'm up again to go back to work.  My joke is I see my husband 3.5 hours a day and 3 of those hours are spent sleeping.

Awesome!

Now the other 3 days of the week are great.  One day I spend working part of it, and then the other 2, are spent as my highly anticipated family days.

The other 4 days just plain stink... A lot!

Every year, we adjust to a new schedule and every year, I go through this period of hating Caleb's new shift.  And then we finally get the hang of it, only for it to change all over again.

It's been a hard few weeks of this shift, I'm not going to lie.

I've cried a lot (poor hubby)

I'm exhausted!

And sadly, I've learned to rely on Yo Gabba Gabba, so I can actually get food on the table for me and Little Miss each night.  That show is so obnoxious, but I'll save that for another post.

But in all of this, I am realizing that this is my constant reminder to keep God first.

I love my family, I really really do. 

But sometimes, I need the reminder that I need to love God more.

And this is the perfect reminder,

In the chaos, and the loneliness of nights alone after Blake is in bed....., I'm reminded that it isn't Caleb that can make me eternally happy, and as much as she tries it's not Blake either.

It's the Big Man Upstairs.

As long as I keep this perspective, we will be fine, I will be fine, life will be fine.

After all, Husband and I have big plans for when we're old, retired, and the kids are grown up.

So I'll miss him now, but look forward to the plans of the 2 cool old people traveling across Europe like we're 21.... ahh yes, that is what I have to look forward to.

Cop Life... it's a constant adjustment, but at least I can say every day, I'm proud of my husband and the work he does!  He truly makes a difference in this crazy world we live in.