Grieving for What Could Have Been

A couple of weeks ago, we found out that we would become a family of four.
I was shocked, and yet so excited.
I took another test to be sure, because that's what you do.  Double check.
I got yet another positive test!
The celebrating began!

We were so thrilled.
Well, Little Miss, was pretty confused but I choose to think she was excited.

We told our close family and friends and they celebrated this life with us.

A few days after that second positive test, the pain began.
I didn't feel good.  Every part of me hurt!
I knew what was going to happen but I tried to think positively.
After a long painful day, that night, all positivity had left me.
I cried to the hubs, and he tried to stay positive for me.

Early that next morning our baby went to be with God.
I cried and cried.
I hadn't been pregnant very long (5 weeks along to be exact) but I already missed this baby.
I thought my tests had been wrong.  I thought I had done something wrong.  I tried to reason with myself that many other women lose their babies when they are further along. I should feel lucky that this happened very early on.  But nothing helped.

I think it was the emotional swing that really hurt me.  The short amount of time between finding out I was pregnant and then not long after finding out I wasn't anymore.

I didn't want to talk to anyone. 

I didn't want to write.

I didn't want to do anything.

 I'm lucky to have a husband and family that knows this about me and they lovingly force me to talk.

The other night I was talking to my mom about this and she said, "It happens to a lot of women, we just don't hear about it because we don't talk about it."
That statement caused me to wonder why don't we talk about it.
Why don't we celebrate the life God made for a short amount of time?
Is it because we feel it is our fault?
Is it because we don't want people to see our true feelings?
Those questions I can't answer.
I think it is different for everyone, but now I want to share.
God is good.  God is taking care of our little baby.  One day, we will see him/her again.

I want to be grateful for this child.
I want to share our loss in hopes that someone somewhere will feel comfortable enough to share.
This I know for sure, we were not created to live life alone.  We were not created to suffer in silence.
We were created to love and be there for each other.

If this has happened to you recently, please know you are not alone!  Email me, call a friend, tell someone!  And know someday you will see your baby again!!  God is raising them for you.  And I don't know about you, but I sure think God is a much MUCH better parent than I could ever hope to be.  And that is what gives me comfort.